I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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