I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
