Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
