so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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