WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have already put on my inside pants.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
