member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
