once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I believe in your delicious
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
