WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
