Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
