I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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