Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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