She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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