Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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