I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
