we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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