I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
