umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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