your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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