Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
