If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
