what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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