never play flip cup with pint glasses
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
