Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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