Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize