So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just tell him i said nine months
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
