She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
