My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
