mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
