I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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