i think i have two assholes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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