Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
