JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
