no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
