Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
