If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
