Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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