I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
