I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
