if you like me you must not know who I am
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
