she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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