I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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