the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
