I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
