Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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