he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize