trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize