Got a toothbrush?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
