I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
