She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
