Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
