Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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