Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
