I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize