the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
