I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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