While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
