yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
