i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
