I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
