I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
