but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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