tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
