but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need moral support for this bender
I just blew my weed a kiss
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
