puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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