Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
