I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize